I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
