Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
