then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
