wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
