margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
