i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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