he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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