Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
