i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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