One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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