Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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