Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
