Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize