google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
even my farts smell like vagina
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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