Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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