Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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