I murdered the dance floor call the cops
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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