so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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