She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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