Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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