I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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