these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
