Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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