Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
