I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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