WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize