my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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