And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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