Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm passing your future prison.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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