I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
