It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
