I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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