i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pants are for mortals
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
