i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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