But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
