dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
