i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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