OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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