people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
