When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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