Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
