You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Shame is for Republicans.
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