the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
