Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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