like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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