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• (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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• (516): View more from New York

  I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok

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• (850): View more from Florida

  It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting

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• (716): View more from New York

  All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen

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