Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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