In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize