I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
