Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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