Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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