We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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