if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
