I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i believe in u and ur pee
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
