If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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