Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
