she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
