i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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