Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize