oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
