I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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