i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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