Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
